Below is a extract for my diary from about 2 years ago. It is hard to think that that is how i felt. I can only thank the people around me. The people who helped me!
I feel like time has run out for me...that i have used up what was set aside for me.....i should have died years ago....i am struggling with everything.......i just want to be at peace with myself.....i don't like myself....i have no friends.......i can bearly provide for freya....i am a constant failier......I don't think i can keep going......I put on a front most of the time to the point that i don't even know who i am.....I have no patience with the kids.....I am in such pain most of the time both physical and mental....i don't sleep......i over eat.....i am lazy....unfocused.....incapable of finishing the simplest task.....i get chest pain from the stress.....i have given up on myself today and i doubt anyone will care.....I am only just holding on and without freya i think i would be gone now.....I feel like i have let everyone down.....
Well i guess i was in a bad way. I don't even recall writing it but it was me. How time helps and heals. Look after them around you and support them. Don't judge people on how they act you have no idea what has gone on in there life. 1 thing that helped me was making the decision to be a little more selfish. With that came the power to give so much more.
Today i feel on top of world even if i do have broken ribs. I have re connected with old friends and made some amazing New ones.
If its all to much and you feel lost ask for help. It worked for me. I feel better than i ever thought possible.