Turn and face the strange

"Turn and face the strange"

Let's take that statement and roll with it.

Change is a part of life and even the force exerted in fighting change is in itself a change to your normal habits.

I have struggled with change in the past. The last 2 occasions I have had major significant change I really struggled. My mental and physical heath took a pounding. Now not so much I have learnt to embrace change.

Iv not just rolled over to the inevitability of in just change I still fight and try to stop the growing wave of change that removes our rights.

I am currently undergoing big change in my own life with more government cutbacks effecting my job again. I have only just come to terms with the last round.

The change that I will be taking time to reflect on today is the death of David Bowie.

Can music change you?

I think it can feed your soul which can be a catalyst for change on our journey through life.

What do you think? Let me know

I will leave you with this

"The truth is of course is that there is no journey. We are arriving and departing all at the same time."

David Bowie

Stay safe, speak soon

Russ

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DIY DAD

So it been a busy few days of sorting and out and getting wallpaper stripped oh the joy. It's not a exactly been a pleasure. After 2 full days I have finished the hall stairs and landing and most of the front room. I have 1 alcove and above the windows.  As far as a workout goes it's been pretty good for the arms.

Being busy has also stopped me snacking. I also feel genuinely ready for bed.

Being busy like I have always makes me wonder about being a good dad. As due to doing D.i.y I have not had the same amount of time to invest in Freya.  I asked her about it today and she had not even noticed. Which I guess is a good thing.

We have been planing our Tuesday activity for after school. So far it is a nature adventure unless it's raining. Then it's an indoor thing but not sure which.

I am trying my best to be a better man. I even said a little prayer about it the other day. Which is strange as I don't feel religious. I wonder what that's all about.

I am off to jump fitness again tomorrow night. Let's see how that goes. I am still sore from last time.

Any ideas for daddy daughter dates are much appreciated.

Stay safe, speak soon

Russ

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Thanatophobia (Death anxiety)

Well it's another sey subject you just can't wait to here about.

I am a massive hypochondriac and I know that. I am getting better at realising it but somehow it's always there.

In the last year I have genuinely felt like I was about to die about 5 times. All reasonableness ignored on weather this was true.

I do suffer with constant annoying acid reflux all the time which when I think about it is obviously (in my mind) some kind of cancer. Even though I have had an endoscopy which found a small hiatel hernia. I have thought I was about to have a heart attack twice and ended up in hospital once. (I still think I was having one) if I get the slightest neck pain  or head ache it is definitely a stroke.

My latest one is when I am in bed I am sure I can feel a lump in my abdomen. (Which is I am pretty sure a spring in my bed) so I prod it till it hurts and then I have a sore lump in my abdomen which is even worse.

I have been checked by the doctor apart from slightly high liver function (I think because I am fat) which in my mind is liver or bowel cancer. I have to get this retested which I am putting off out of fear! (I know I am an idiot).

Why am a scared of dying. Well it's simple. I want to be here for Freya. I want to see her grow up and be able to support her. Am I really scared of dying. I don't think I am. What I fear is leaving Shell and the kids without me.

They are the reason I wake up and the reason I work. I live for them. I am at university at 38 to try and provide them with a better life. I want them to have nice things and great experiences.

So in honesty I am doing better. I can go months now instead of days without seeing a doctor. I realise this is all part of my ongoing battle with my mental heath but it's still hard to overcome.

I try to be mindful and am trying to be more healthy in my lifestyle choices.

Well glad I cheered you all up

Stay safe, speak soon

Russ

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Big effort, Big rewards

To start with I have a massive headache and pain down my neck. Due to the fact that I am a massive hypochondriac this means I am definitely dying. Or stripping wall paper all day after doing jump fitness might also be the explination. If I do feel really ill I will get it checked.

Is life down to luck?

Well yes but I think luck for those of us from hubble beginning comes directly from the effort we put in.

This is a broad sweeping statement that can be proven in either direction by multiple case studies. If I look at the people I know the ones who are committed to stuff and put in the effort are the ones who achieve the luckiest outcomes in life.

This effort is often undermined by the efforts of others but in the long term determination does seem to pay off.

Natural ability and circumstances of birth obviously influence the way people progress in life but with out drive it is easy to squander the advantages. The level of effort needed by people without this advantage is vastly increased but you still see people breaking barriers and grabbing their opportunities.

Rant over with a final message "if you want something go out and get it" (me, just now.)

Well did book onto jump fit again on Monday at 8 if you fancy it book in quick.

Today has been spent mostly striping wall paper from hall stairs and landing and front room. Tomorrow will be spent the same way. Except tomorrow might include picking some paint too. I can't wait! Is it fair as a bloke to say. I really don't care what it looks like.

Speak soon, stay safe

Russ

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Jump don't fall

Many people will already be giving up on new year fitness plans. Well don't drop of it jump instead. 

As you will know if you have been reading for a while on Tuesday I went to jump wearhouse and had an amazing time with Freya


I felt a bit sore and looked online at there site and saw they offered fitness classes I went over this morning feeling apprehensive (being a fat lad) at the the thought of it. It was however much more fun than I thought. It was body combat on trampolines. I came out feeling fully worked out but my joints all feel fine no aches like I usually get after any kind of circuits.

If you are looking for a way to get fit that at the same time helps you feel like a 6 year old jumping on a trampoline. This is for you. The personal trainer taking the class claimed it could burn upto 1000 calories a session. I fully believe it. What I also really liked was walking out of a really fun workout back to my car and seeing the misirable faces on the people in the gym. I bet they quit before the end of the month.

I will be booking in on Monday evening. Join me if you like. If you know Warrington it is just by LA bowl. Or this is the website

http://www.jumpwarehouse.com

While the session today was very intimate you need to book for evening sessions.

I will might look at doing a podcast about this.

Stay safe, speak soon

Russ

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Determination, Decoration and Daleks

I am still struggling with snacking but I did only snack once and it was not the usual kind of binge. Which is a positive. I am booked into jump fitness tomorrow at the trampoline place even though at the moment I am still hurting from playing on them on Tuesday. Am taking a voice recorder and going to do some stuff for the radio/podcast. Put together a bit of a package and see how that goes.

Today has been pretty productive. Got loads of the hall and landing sorted out today, found a crack in the plaster and called a plasterer to see if it was OK....... Good news it was bad news while he was in I got a quote for the ceilings downstairs so am forking out for them on Thursday next week.

Went to uni and did some script writing, played Lego with Freya and made a Lego Dalek trap because why the hell not. I am still procrastinating about uni work but in think I am OK. Just need to make sure I am keeping up to date as the weeks move on. I am half way through my second year which is pretty scary stuff. If everything keeps going as planed I will graduate just before my 40th birthday which is really nice.

Reflux not as bad guess that's due to not eating the rubbish I normally do. Spoke about doing at LGBT podcast with a LGBT group in Warrington.

Shell has been quite bad with her Fybro over the last couple of days I am starting to get a bit worried about her again. I really don't know what I can do to help.

Stay safe, speak soon

Russ

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The pain of trampolines

The pain is unreal. Trampolining is by far the most painful day after exercise I have ever done my abs are in tatters.

I have however been told by Freya that I am doing it again in a fortnight. Apparently I am allowed to choose something else next week? I am not sure what yet maybe roller skating but really not 100% on that yet. If I can find something more unusual I will try that.

Went out for lunch today and bought Freybot some new trousers. I noticed that every shop I went in today the cute little girl stuff is right next to the dad clothes. This is no coincidence I am sure it is a conspiracy against my bank account.

Also had a meeting about work and restructuring the staffing. It's not going to be a easy time for people. Some jobs going some money going and some big changes to terms and conditions but I won't bore you with all that.

Back to the book club idea. I am going to start with the fire station and see if I can get them to recommend Books on video? It's worth a shot.

Will be doing some script writing tomorrow for a short film. Hopefully it will go well

Stay safe, Speak soon

Russ

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